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 THIS
IS YOUR YEAR
this is your year. take the
reins. make it something special, dear. take the reins. this is
your year. take the reins. let it all come clear. this is your
year. let the past desert you and swallow to its grave. this is your
year. if you wait too long it will blow up in your face. this is
your year. she will leave without a trace. this is your year. make
it just like all the others, dear.
SLIP
you let it slip. and it
slid right through our fingers. watery touch. no piece of us left to
linger. well i couldn't move. i didn't want to try to feel one
single thing. the only way for this to heal is to get through.
but there is no getting through when the last thing you want to do
is pick up the pieces and search for a new beginning. erase this
shattered ending. get past this shattered ending. forget our
shattered ending.
12 APRIL
if she says it's not you, you have to believe it's not you. but this
is consequence. this is repeat lack of confidence.
and it's driven like a nail. forged theories of who you thought you
were together. who you thought you were was nothing like this.
every day it's something new. to watch her change is like setting
yourself on fire. up in flames with the love of a girl.
UNDERSTANDING OUR
RAZING
you open the door just wide
enough for a hurricane to rush through here and lick up all our
doubts. familial solidification in one quick shake. south congress
cracks with every step we take - slowly understanding our razing
with its topography.
i'm clinging. i'm clinging. i'm clinging. every word and decision
you make. i'm trying. i'm trying. i'm trying.
UNDER
when she knows exactly how
to make me smile, as she fears exactly how to leave me wide, she
seems to say the words that would sew me up and snap me into place
and allow me to breathe and feel what it's like to live in here
again: over the top.
drag me under. i never want to leave this sea.
she pulls me out of an ugly shadow and lives to watch me walk near
the edge and sometimes i fall and watch christessa smile but more
often i look and don't really see anything because i am way too
blind or else there isn't anything there at all.
drag me under. i never want to leave this sea.
and then under the same essence thoughts retreat to 6 months
previous and i cry because i miss it, but it's not real, it never
was, and i'll never feel that way again.
drag me under. i never want to leave this sea.
FOREVER SETTING SUN
the devil's work is never
done. she is a forever setting sun. trade her in to get your heart
back - one dying light for another.
regret is a rearview mirror. regret is a rearview mirror. regret is
a rearview mirror. fucking listen to me for once.
THE ANCHOR IN YOUR
SKY
i'm treading water. barely
getting by. searching with my eyes closed, i'm an anchor in your
sky.
through all your winter changes, the hardest thing to realize: the
summer loves you like a fool and i am faceless in your eyes.
your voice is the sound of two hearts breaking.
THE WAY OUT IS
THROUGH
i don't worry for your safety. i think of you in static and
lullabies. wistful words and choking air. i let the tides wash away
all departures and decay.
the way out is through. unfortunate, but it's true. get a
running start. dive head first in. but promise not to lose yourself
on the way down.
you fade into the background. into oblivion. like a world record or
a ghost. always hung above our heads but never really there. you're
always open and you never tire. a punjabi dhaba in a street full of
liars. i let the tides wash away all departures and decay.
the way out is through. unfortunate, but it's true. get a running
start. dive head first in. but promise not to lose yourself on the
way down.
it was a problem of loving myself stemming from a problem of loving
you. the only constants in my life now are an aching for your eyes
and vacancy by my side.
it was a problem of love for myself stemming from a problem of
loving you. the only constants in my life now are a hope for nothing
misconstrued and an overwhelming desire to murder you.
all lyrics © ben londa, 2004-2005.
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