IN MY HEAD
i want to still be writing when you get home, even if i'm not. and i want to still be faithful to you, even if i'm not. because i've created scenes you're the star of in my head. and you've done thirty time more to me than i've even imagined doing to you - in my head.
a different way home every single night, even if i never leave my room. woke up every day next to someone different even if i haven't.
because when i go places, i know you just left them - even if you haven't. and i know you were with him perfecting the masterplan even if you weren't. in my head. in my head.
turning the tables, i'm the one thirty times over ruining everything.

LIMITATION COMPLEX
i never wanted this to end. i never said that i wanted you to leave, but you take your liberties as if i've packed your things for you.
i never wanted this to end. but i could never teach you how to love.

H.B.M.A. 2
she fills the spaces between the waiting. the perfect crime we create together. they sing and dance too much for me. i think too much for me. she calls me home. she could be where i am. she still loves me.

NEW
did you think what you felt could let you run away? i'd be there, watching you. no chance for an escape. friendship cures all there is. i could never let you leave. did you think what you felt could let you run away?

VERDICT
there's a pattern to this. a flood of touch out here. different names and meaningless. it's hard enough to know i made you up inside my head.
when are you coming home? a thousand lonely holes just to well up again. when are you coming home? this has become impossible.
there's a theme in all of this. something everyone created for me. there's no such thing as the perfect kiss. it's hard enough to know i made you up inside my head.
sometimes the easiest things matter more. the slightest touch, however imperfect. even if i could, i wouldn't change a thing. the more she's around me, the further i get.

NO APOLOGY
you couldn't do this for me. and i couldn't help myself. when there is only one way to see, i'll smash it in just to save where we are.
take the needle to the vein. prove to them they were wrong. cold lips to steel. dry hands to rain. no apology: these days just last too long.
there's no place in the sky that could fill this up. a thousand lonely holes just to well up again. with the worn out center of our broken up, too tired to pretend.

DECEMBER DOWN
you missed the phone. on purpose you missed mom and dad. now they're gone and you forgot to do a damn thing.

all words © ben londa, 1999.